Rules of Civility

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Image from: mountvernon.org – George Washington’s Rules of Civility

Rules of Civility

By Dahni

© 2021, all rights reserved

   Following my previous post, ‘Transition’ https://wp.me/pGfx1-Ma  I want to begin here where I left off there. There was a quote by John Adams in my last post which I want to begin with here.

“We have no Constitution which functions in the absence of a moral people.”

-John Adams-

   I could ask the question, are we a moral people, but I will not. However, I certainly do believe there exists among us, moral persons! How many? I do not know, but I do believe there are enough to keep the rest of us afloat, the earth to keep on spinning and light to keep us from plunging into total darkness.

   I would hope that the rest of us would aspire to becoming (a continual lifelong process), a moral people.

   This brings us to the subject of civility, the rules of civility. The words “civilization” and “civility” have as their root, the word “civil“.  But rules? Oh no, not rules! You don’t like rules? Where is there freedom in rules? OK, how about order? No, too much like orders and being told what to do? No one likes to be told what to do. Children don’t like to be told what to do. My dog does not like it. No one likes to be told what to do. But try to build a house without rules. Why not from the top down? Going fishing? Fish don’t generally jump into the boat. The rule there is, if I want fish, I need to bait my line. My dog is not allowed to cross the road without my permission, why? Because I’m mean or do I just want to keep her a live?

   When George Washington was a young boy in school, he was taught rules, rules of civility, and to be exact, 110 rules of civility.

Image from: mountvernon.org – George Washington’s Rules of Civility

   ‘Rules of Civility & Decent Behavior in Company and Conversation’, which listed 110 rules of etiquette for young men [and young ladies too], were originally compiled and published in 1595 by French Jesuits. In 1645, this code of conduct was translated into an English version called ‘Francis Hawkins’ Youths Behavior, or Decency in Conversation Amongst Men’ [women too]. They were ascribed to Francis Hawkins the twelve-year-old son of a doctor. It was reprinted at least eleven times until 1672.

   By age sixteen, Washington had copied out by hand, these 110 Rules of Civility & Decent Behavior in Company and Conversation. Was this only for the practice of his penmanship?

“Today many, if not all of these rules, sound a little fussy if not downright silly. It would be easy to dismiss them as outdated and appropriate to a time of powdered wigs and quills, but they reflect a focus that is increasingly difficult to find. The rules have in common a focus on other people rather than the narrow focus of our own self-interests that we find so prevalent today. Fussy or not, they represent more than just manners. They are the small sacrifices that we should all be willing to make for the good of all and the sake of living together. These rules proclaim our respect for others and in turn give us the gift of self-respect and heightened self-esteem.”

excerpt from: http://www.foundationsmag.com/civility.html

   Richard Brookhiser, in his book on Washington wrote that “all modern manners in the western world were originally aristocratic. Courtesy meant behavior appropriate to a court; chivalry comes from chevalier – a knight. Yet Washington was to dedicate himself to freeing America from a court’s control. Could manners survive the operation? Without realizing it, the Jesuits who wrote them, and the young man who copied them, were outlining and absorbing a system of courtesy appropriate to equals and near-equals. When the company for whom the decent behavior was to be performed expanded to the nation, Washington was ready. Parson Weems got this right, when he wrote that it was ‘no wonder every body honored him who honored every body.'”

   This book is still available today. Some have edited and updated the language to the present. Click the next image to download a PDF copy of this book. Please note the beginning where it addresses the objections of modern-day youth that think manners is just another thing to reject in being told what to do that they reject, as a violation of the freedom of speech. This sounds like many adults today, as well.

Click for: ‘110 Rules of Civility’

   Well, if you are not interested in reading and/or Freely downloading the book in PDF format, here is one to follow. it is actually, the last one.

#110. Labor to keep alive in your breast that little spark of celestial fire called conscience.”

excerpt from: ‘Francis Hawkins’ Youths Behavior, or Decency in Conversation Amongst Men’ [women too].

   What is conscience?

Conscience – An awareness of morality in regard to one’s behavior; a sense of right and wrong that urges one to act morally. A source of moral or ethical judgment or pronouncement.

   One needs a code of ethics, rules or orders they live by, God, or something like an analogy of a compass which points them in the direction of good manners, civility, morals which guide them and direct their character. There are many consequences, from the continued failures (a habit), in not having good manners. How about the following? 

“Speaking lies in hypocrisy; having their conscience seared with a hot iron;”

I Timothy 4:2 King James Version (KJV)

   What? Without manners I would end up speaking lies in hypocrisy, I would be a hypocrite? Is this what I am saying? No I did not say this. The Bible said it and by association, God said it. What does it mean to have my conscience seared with a hot iron? If I say something rude, hurtful or mean to you and it bothers me I am sorry I said it), after I do, I still have a conscience, but it was not working right or correctly. If I keep doing this over and over again, my conscience could get seared, and I may never feel bad again that I say rude, mean and hurtful things to you or anyone. This is NOT Freedom of Speech. Oh, I would have character, bad character and judged by my speech, my appearance, my background and perhaps even the color of my skin, but this is neither freedom of speech nor the character good manners makes.

“I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.”

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

   How about the ‘Golden Rule’ for social media’s user agreements and policies? How about Big Tech.? Mainstream media? Any business?

Sign that hung above the door of the employee’s entrance to the Acme Sucker Rod Factory in Toledo, Ohio, 1913.

   Can it get any simpler than this, any more clear?

“And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise.”

Luke 6:31, King James Version

   Common Courtesy? That is a pretty good two-word description of true Christianity.

“Order my steps in thy word:…”

Psalm 119: 133a, KJV

“Bind them upon thy fingers, write them upon the table of thine heart.”

Proverbs 7:3, KJV

   Order? Orders again? Rules? Something or someone has to direct our steps. Sure, we will to walk, but for what purpose? These two verses address freedom of will and by association, freedom of speech. We have to will to be moral and walk with that purpose in mind, our steps directed by someone or something. But we have to do the walking. We have to make the decision to learn and to walk in the truth, in the light and develop this conscience of good manners and doing what is right. Biblically, this is a call to give the truth of divine wisdom a permanent place in the mind and in conduct.

   In Israel, it is not uncommon to write the Ten Commandments on tablets and wear them like rings on their fingers. The tables of our heart are the very place for all of God’s laws to be. The world might do away with Bibles, but they could not do away with the things that are hidden in our heart. Whether you or I believe in God or not, we each are in control of our our lives and responsible for our actions and every single word we write or speak.

   If I like you and you like me and if I agree with you and you agree with me and we speak to each other, that’s easy speech, but it is not the freedom of speech. It is only things outside of our experience and our lives which challenge and grow us up.

   Freedom of speech is not the freedom to hate. That ends with hate speech, but that is not Freedom of Speech. It leads to what is prevalent in our country (the USA, anyway), what we all seem to be familiar with, cancel culture. Words can hurt and they can heal. But incite to riot? Unless someone has a gun to your head, whose mouth and whose feet run to hurt and destroy? Doing whatever you want to do and saying whatever you want to say is your choice or mine to burn up stuff, loot, hurt or worse. Sadly, that is freedom of speech corrupted, but it is still freedom of speech. To censor, restrict, regulate, remove and cancel what we do not agree with may be the ill-conceived idea of freedom of spew or spew speech, but it is not the freedom of speech. Only respecting one another’s equal rights as you and I have, is freedom of speech.

   There is much to be gleaned from each other, no matter what we may believe. Accepting one another’s right to think and believe is freedom of speech. If for no other reason, by allowing all speech and any speech it we can learn how not to speak and act in a civilized and social society. And one more thing, perhaps our good manners can influence or lead bad manners to will to become good manners.

   It was all over the mainstream media. A young man wore a hat, many did not like it. He was confronted by people that ridiculed him and tried to intimidate him. At one point, an older native American man was beating on a drum and singing just inches away from his face. He instantly became infamous and scorched earth to the mainstream media. His high school came under fire. He was ridiculed for being a racist and arrogant and excoriated by the media for smirking, just standing there without speaking and smiling. He got a lawyer. He went to court. He won. He could now basically, purchase his own network. He had the freedom to speak or not to speak. He chose to stand, not speak and smile. What would you call that? I call it good manners.

“A soft answer turneth [turns] away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.”

Proverbs 15:11, KJV

    What about  just being kind to one another?

   My sister was given a bracelet years ago, which she wore all the time. It had a line from a poem that I only recently discovered and read in its entirety and to my delight. But I remember my sister’s bracelet and I wrote down the words in my journals and in my Bible, many years ago. I was inspired by them. They moved me. Over the years I have thought of them so often and read them so often that I have unintentionally memorized them. 

“There’s nothing so kingly as kindness, and nothing so royal as truth.”

Alice Cary

   If you would like to read this poem, ‘Nobility’, by Alice Cary, in its entirety, click the following link:

https://sharpgiving.com/101famouspoems/poems/original/073Cary.html?visited=1

   Let us be kind to one another. When and wherever we hear speech that we do not agree with, let us hear it, let us read the words and learn from them. Let us turn away their wrath with soft answers. Let us be example of kindness. We cannot, we must not censor, regulate, restrict or cancel those that have the self-same and equal rights that we have! For freedom is a gift. Freedom leads to change, progress, inventions, innovation, and growth! It is a pursuit towards excellence that in the United States of America, was put into writing, in the Preamble of our Constitution, “In order to form a more perfect [not perfect, but a more perfect] union!”

   Are we a united people? Are we a moral people? To whom or to what compass do we use to guide our steps? what rules do we follow? What orders do we willfully take to mold and remember our thoughts and move our feet? Easy speech moves nothing or no one. Hate speech cannot, should not cancel anyone or anything. It is only the Freedom of Speech that moves mountains. What is it that can unify so great and so diverse a people, but freedom? Who among us has not been given the same gifts as you and I?

1. created equally
2. endowed by our creator (or the laws of nature or nature’s God)
3. certain unalienable rights that among these are Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness

   Be kind to one another, for WE are all Free! It is a gift!

 

1 of WE